How To Explore Kinks Safely

It’s natural to be curious about what turns you on. For some, sex stays sweet and simple,  but for others, there’s a spark of ‘what if…? that can lead to playful spanking, a little roleplay, voyeurism or something more adventurous like BDSM. 

These little sparks of sexual curiosity are called kinks - those quirky turn-ons that take sex from ordinary to something more adrenaline seeking. Think of it as your erotic ice cream preference - some people are perfectly happy with classic vanilla, but others may crave a scoop of rocky road, salted caramel or even biscoff. 

Let’s find out more about how to explore kinks safely…

What type of sexual activity are kinks?

Everyone has that thing that turns them on - but a sexual kink is simply any sexual activity that steps outside of traditional sexual practices. It might be something mild, like whispering naughty fantasies in each other's ears, or perhaps something a little spicier, like tying your partner up or getting a thrill from being watched. The important thing is to remember consent. Kinks are only fun, when everyone involved is excited to play. 

Let’s have a look at some sexual activities and a few examples that are classed as sexual kinks;

Roleplay: Teacher/ student, boss/employee, strangers at a bar
Voyeurism or exhibitionism: Watching or being watched
Sensory: Blindfolds, feathers, ice, massage oils
BDSM: Spanking, restraints, dominance and submission
Fetishes: Toes, latex, leather
Dirty talk: Whispering sexual fantasies to one another

Discovering your sexual kinks

Before exploring kinks with a partner - take some time to think about the types of kinks you’d like to try.

• What excites you when you fantasise?
• Do you want to give or receive or both? 
• Do you crave physical sensations, like spanking or hot wax or more psychological experiences, like roleplay, dirty talk, submission or dominance? 

It can help to make three lists:

• Things you definitely want to try.
• Things you’re curious about but unsure.
• Things you never want to try.

How to communicate sexual kinks with your partner

Talking about kinks with your partner can feel scary, but being able to communicate well is what makes the experience feel safe and exciting. 

Firstly, start by bringing it up in conversation. You could begin light by saying something like ‘I read about people trying blindfolds in bed - what do you think?’ or something more direct like ‘I keep fantasying about being tied up - do you think it's something we could explore together?’

Remember though that they might not be open to the same things that you are, so consent and respect need to come first always. If they don’t want to participate in sexual kinks, then they are perfectly ok to say no. 

If they are open to trying new kinks, it might be helpful to share your ‘definitely, curious or never’ list or encourage them to think about their own. 

Staying safe 

Enjoying sexual kinks together is fun, but safety needs to come first. There are a few ways you can make kinks safe;

Safewords

Agree on a safeword between you. As soon as one of you uses that word, you have to stop immediately. A traffic-light system can also work well when you check in with each other; green = keep going, yellow = slow down and red = stop.  

Check in regularly

Pause occasionally to ask one another ‘how are you feeling? ‘Are you ok? Would you like to keep going?’

Use safe equipment

If using aids like restraints - check circulation and keep safety scissors nearby. 

Wear condoms

Make sure you’re always using a condom or dam every time you engage in sexual activity to protect yourself from catching a sexually transmitted infection, HIV or from unintended pregnancy.

Go slow

You don’t have to dive headfirst into full kink overnight - you can start with light playful activities that build trust and excitement. You can add activities like; 

• Wearing a blindfold to heighten sensations.
• Add in dirty talk or roleplay to your usual routine
• Experiment with gentle spanking, hair pulling or tickling
• Add in ice cubes, warm oils or feathers.

It’s not a race to get to the finish line - it’s about building heat slowly so both of you feel safe, comfortable and connected. 

Let Go of Shame

Many people hesitate to explore sexual kinks because they’re embarrassed, feel shame or are worried about being judged. But kinks are extremely common - as long as play is safe, consensual and respectful - there’s no reason to feel shame. 

Sharing your desires and acting out your kinks can actually strengthen your relationship, self-esteem and self-confidence.