Losing your virginity is a unique experience that differs from person-to-person. For most people, they automatically think of penetrative sex between a man and woman, however, sex and virginity is not as straight-forward as that. Having sex for the first time can also mean having oral sex for the first time, having anal, even foreplay - and people can lose their virginity by having different kinds of sex on multiple occasions. 

It can often be difficult to know what to expect when you lose your virginity for the first time, so we are here to answer your most common questions; does it hurt when you lose your virginity? How do I know when I’m ready? How do I know what I enjoy? Will I have an orgasm? And how do I protect myself from catching sexually transmitted infections? 

Does it hurt when you lose your virginity? 

Sex being a painful experience when you lose your virginity is a myth that’s been circulating for decades. Those with a vagina may experience a slight discomfort when having sex for the first time as the hymen can break during intercourse (it is often described as a slight pinch). You may also experience light spotting or feel a dull ache afterwards - however, this is all perfectly normal and doesn’t last long. 

To minimise any discomfort, make sure both you and your partner are feeling comfortable before you decide to have sex. Keep it slow and start with kissing and foreplay as this will help you both begin to feel aroused and relaxed. During arousal, your brain sends a signal to your genitals to release a natural lubricant that can make sex more enjoyable, however most people often use additional lubricant as it can enhance the experience and prevent any uncomfortable friction.  

How do I know when I’m ready? 

Choosing when you have sex for the first time can often be one of the most important decisions in your life and only you can make it. Some people reflect on losing their virginity with regret and wish they had waited a little bit longer, while others look back with fondness of their moments with a childhood sweetheart. Here are some questions you can ask yourself if you are thinking of losing your virginity that might help you decide whether ‘now’ is the right time.

• Do you feel comfortable with your partner?
• Does ‘now’ feel right to have sex?
• Are you over the age limit?
• Do I feel able to say ‘no’ if I don’t want to? 
• Have you discussed using condoms to prevent STI’s and pregnancy? 

However, if you answer yes to any of the following questions, it might be a good idea to delay having sex.

• Do you feel coerced or peer-pressured into having sex?
• Do you believe sex will make your partner love you more?
• Are you worried your partner will end the relationship if you don’t have sex?
• Is there a big age-gap between you?
• Are you only having sex to show off to your friends? 
• Have you been drinking or are you under the influence of drugs? 

How do I know what I enjoy? 

You don’t automatically know what you enjoy the first time you have sex, sometimes it is a case of trying things out. However, some people prefer to practice on themselves before losing their virginity with masturbation. This is a good way to get to know your genitals and what you enjoy, how you love to be touched and where? Once you know what you enjoy - it’s easier to tell your partner. 

Will I have an orgasm? 

No, not always - and that’s perfectly normal. Some people need foreplay or oral sex to have an orgasm, while others can reach orgasm through intercourse. What one person finds a turn on may be different to another - and that’s ok. It’s just about finding out what you enjoy - and what gives you the most sexual satisfaction. 

How can I protect myself from catching sexually transmitted infections?

Using a condom the first time you have sex reduces the risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection and getting pregnant. Condoms act as a barrier that prevents any sexual fluid from being transferred. Our First Time Kit is the perfect starter kit to have in your bedside cabinet before you have sex - with a pack of our extra thick, extra lube condoms and a bag of 12 sachets of our light lube  - you can feel well prepared before the big occasion comes. We’ve also included some leaflets that will help keep you safe, so you can feel confident and informed before you lose your virginity.